Lame, Lame, Lame

I suck I know. Although nobody really cares, I look at my blog to see updates of other peoples on the sidebar and everytime I come here I am bothered that I haven't updated.

So. My Cecilia had her surgery. We flew to Tennessee and her surgery was 9/18/09. Surgery went well but recovery not so much. She had a hard time keeping her blood pressure and blood sugar up and had to stay in the ICU for an extra day. I went to visit when they would let me. They let me in for 15 minutes. She was so drugged and sad looking. I know she doesn't understand and just knows that I gave her to people that hurt her.

When we were discharged 2 days later and went back to the hotel she wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. I went to pet her and she would get up and walk to the other side of the bed. Definitely feeling betrayed I'm sure. We flew home after a hellish attempt due to flooding in Atlanta that messed up flights. And guess what, if your flying standby, you are much more screwed than the paying screwed people. Actually paying isn't the right word because you still have to pay to fly standby, just not as much as a last minute flight would have cost. So I was more screwed than the people that paid more, or booked early. Ultimately ending up buying a ticket on another airline to get home. I knew it was a risk. I have worked for the airlines before, I knew the drill. So I got my filleted puppy home.

She has done well. She seems to feel much better than before surgery but about the same as several months before surgery. So she is good again. FYI, doggie "communicator" (don't ask) says that Cecilia feels better than she ever has. That is a whole other post that probably won't get written.

Surgery, Ba-LETED!

So I cancelled surgery. The surgeon hadn't gone this surgery on a dog as old as Cecilia and after more questions I have decided to look elsewheres. There is this awesome surgeon in Tennessee and before y'all are like "wha? going to Tennessee for a dog surgery?" I will have you know that it will still be cheaper with travel than the price here. I can have the pre-op testing, blood work, Surgery, meds, aftercare, etc. Everything for about 65% of the cost of just the surgery here and go to a facility that does 12 of these surgeries a week, or stay here for more money, where they have done 12 in the last year. Also there the surgeon has experience with older dogs. It is so weird to be referring to her as an older dog. She is only 5! It is just that it is rare that it was not discovered before the age of 1.

Found this today and had a gay ole time watchin. Enjoy!

9/9/09

Are 9's supposed to be lucky? Like 7's? Surgery to close the nasty shunt is scheduled for next Wednesday. I thought that I would feel better at this point. Not knowing what was going on and whether anything could be done was making me crazy and I thought I would feel....not better, but less stressed when I had a plan. I don't. I wish surgery were tomorrow.

Incidentally 9/9 is "D" day. The day my parents were divorced. Mom says she hopes it is luckier for me than it was for her. I say she is MUCH luckier than she things she is. Love ya dad!

Although my last post about Cecilia was written and posted in the middle of the night, hours after finding out about her illness. It is still all true and relevant. No matter how melodramatic it may sound. I am waiting to hear from the surgeon about options and risks. Hopefully soon. I feel like I can't get anything accomplished and move on until I make decisions.

Today I clasped a Swainsons' Hawk to my chest while someone else took a dremel to his beak and talons. Interesting view of his insides as he tried to maim my face.

My poor sessy

I know nobody even knows this blog exists so this post is mostly for my own therapeutic benefit. My love my Cecilia is sick. She has what is called a portosystemic shunt. It is basically an additional vein that formed while she was in the womb that is causing her blood to bypass her liver. This is causing her liver to be damaged because it is not getting the nutrients that it needs to form and it is currently only half the size it should be and is putting toxins into her system that should have been cleaned out by the liver. She has been sick her entire life and I haven't known it. This condition is normally discovered as a puppy because there are more symptoms. The only symptom she exhibited is the fact that she is so calm and good natured. I have just been proud that I have such a well mannered pup and of course there were no signs of anything wrong to the veterinarians either. The fact that it has gone this long (she is 5 and a half years old) is apparently a double edged sword. 1. She has been suffering from it for 5 and a half years, but 2. Since she hasn't shown more symptoms it must not be as severe inside as most. It is getting worse though which is how it has now been discovered. She is having neurological problems and parts of her body are seizing. The first episode she was walking and falling over on her right side, getting up again and falling over and repeat. Externally all was fine when I got to the vet so it was only after the second episode that they decided to do a blood test and they discovered that there was a problem. So I have 2 options. I can begin a medication routine 3 times per day and limit her to only a low protein wet food for the rest of her life in hopes of limiting the toxins in her blood and help the symptoms. She would not get better but hopefully not get worse either. Or I can have her undergo surgery to close off that additional vein. If all went well she would feel so much better and her body would heal. Her liver would hopefully thrive and grow and she would no longer be poisoned every time she ate. That is the ideal outcome. Unfortunately sometimes the liver will not accept the increased blood flow and she would die within a week. They use a method of closing the shunt that does it slowly to avoid any rupture and limit the risk but there is risk. So what do I do? I am scared that she hurts, that she is sad and lately it seems like she is. If I choose to manage this without surgery her life expectancy will surely be decreased. I don't know how much. If I choose surgery there is no fix if it goes bad. She will die and for a long time I will die with her. She has provided for me what so many anti depressants haven't and no matter what anyone else thinks, she is to me what children our to their parents. All parents that I have met want sometimes to get away from their children, to have a break. I want her with me always and anyone that knows me knows that she is unless it is not possible. I want what any parent wants. I want what is best for her. I want her to be healthy and happy. I am sad. I am confused. I am petrified with fear.

Ah, the sweet spot.

Cecilia likes to hang out standing on her back legs while laying her front end on the ground. She has done this for years and I always thought it was odd, but I turned around at work to find this modified version. Cecilia seems to have the weirdest sense of what is "comfy." She always sleeps on the hard desk, next to the comfy bed and wants to lay inside Anna's purse in the van. Yet somehow she still knows to run for the warm spot every time I get up from the bed or couch.