Although my last post about Cecilia was written and posted in the middle of the night, hours after finding out about her illness. It is still all true and relevant. No matter how melodramatic it may sound. I am waiting to hear from the surgeon about options and risks. Hopefully soon. I feel like I can't get anything accomplished and move on until I make decisions.

Today I clasped a Swainsons' Hawk to my chest while someone else took a dremel to his beak and talons. Interesting view of his insides as he tried to maim my face.

My poor sessy

I know nobody even knows this blog exists so this post is mostly for my own therapeutic benefit. My love my Cecilia is sick. She has what is called a portosystemic shunt. It is basically an additional vein that formed while she was in the womb that is causing her blood to bypass her liver. This is causing her liver to be damaged because it is not getting the nutrients that it needs to form and it is currently only half the size it should be and is putting toxins into her system that should have been cleaned out by the liver. She has been sick her entire life and I haven't known it. This condition is normally discovered as a puppy because there are more symptoms. The only symptom she exhibited is the fact that she is so calm and good natured. I have just been proud that I have such a well mannered pup and of course there were no signs of anything wrong to the veterinarians either. The fact that it has gone this long (she is 5 and a half years old) is apparently a double edged sword. 1. She has been suffering from it for 5 and a half years, but 2. Since she hasn't shown more symptoms it must not be as severe inside as most. It is getting worse though which is how it has now been discovered. She is having neurological problems and parts of her body are seizing. The first episode she was walking and falling over on her right side, getting up again and falling over and repeat. Externally all was fine when I got to the vet so it was only after the second episode that they decided to do a blood test and they discovered that there was a problem. So I have 2 options. I can begin a medication routine 3 times per day and limit her to only a low protein wet food for the rest of her life in hopes of limiting the toxins in her blood and help the symptoms. She would not get better but hopefully not get worse either. Or I can have her undergo surgery to close off that additional vein. If all went well she would feel so much better and her body would heal. Her liver would hopefully thrive and grow and she would no longer be poisoned every time she ate. That is the ideal outcome. Unfortunately sometimes the liver will not accept the increased blood flow and she would die within a week. They use a method of closing the shunt that does it slowly to avoid any rupture and limit the risk but there is risk. So what do I do? I am scared that she hurts, that she is sad and lately it seems like she is. If I choose to manage this without surgery her life expectancy will surely be decreased. I don't know how much. If I choose surgery there is no fix if it goes bad. She will die and for a long time I will die with her. She has provided for me what so many anti depressants haven't and no matter what anyone else thinks, she is to me what children our to their parents. All parents that I have met want sometimes to get away from their children, to have a break. I want her with me always and anyone that knows me knows that she is unless it is not possible. I want what any parent wants. I want what is best for her. I want her to be healthy and happy. I am sad. I am confused. I am petrified with fear.

Ah, the sweet spot.

Cecilia likes to hang out standing on her back legs while laying her front end on the ground. She has done this for years and I always thought it was odd, but I turned around at work to find this modified version. Cecilia seems to have the weirdest sense of what is "comfy." She always sleeps on the hard desk, next to the comfy bed and wants to lay inside Anna's purse in the van. Yet somehow she still knows to run for the warm spot every time I get up from the bed or couch.

Grey Poop

Lots and Lots happening at my house. Okay not really lots but there is new baby Grey. You know how they say that newborns only eat, sleep and poop? Here he appears to be sleeping and dreaming of eating. Maybe he is pooping too.